August 29, 2010

Learning is Messy

Finally. A quiet moment when I can sit down and get back to this blogging thing. In the weeks I have been gone, many exciting things have happened. First of all, I am really happy with the way these first few weeks of school have turned out. Thankfully those first few nerve racking (sp? anyone?) days are over. I think I have done an okay job of creating a positive learning atmosphere, and my students seem excited about the new things we're learning everyday. The students are also excited about our little website/blogging experiment. Right now I still feel so hesitant about putting things on there (my constant, annoying habit of trying to make things perfect), that I am driving myself crazy a little bit. Nothing in life is perfect, and I have to remind myself that we learn best when things are a little messy. I also have issue with admitting to 10 year olds that I don't know much about something, so that might be a little bit of my problem too. I'll keep you posted about how all this turns out. Wish me luck!

On another note, I have decided to go back to school this semester to try and get enough post-master's hours for a pay raise. I am a little nervous about the time commitment, but I am also kind of glad to be back in school. It certainly gives me a more insight into what my kiddos go through every day. I had a 4 hour class last Tuesday night which ended in a major mental breakdown on my way home. It went something like this.

I'm out of gas! I forgot about that other thing I was supposed to do! File folders! The students need their file folders tomorrow to begin working on the biome project! Should I go to Wal-Mart in the morning? Wait! Wal-Mart is getting rid of all their school supply stuff! They probably won't have them. I'm defeated and tired. Wake up! You are running off the road! Oh hi, mom. I didn't mean to call you, but how's it going? This stupid iphone. Oh well, mom, I gotta go. Daniel, honey? Will you get me my wallet? I have to get on the computer and pay my tuition tonight- today's the deadline. Oh no. Oh no! What have I done!? It says here the tuition is TWICE what I thought it would be. Let me show you the sheet I saw that listed graduate tuition. Oh right. Of course. It says 2005-2006 at the top. Yes, I can see it written in those big letters. Can we afford this? Thanks for not being mad.

Life is messy. School is messy. I have decided to make it my goal this year to be okay with that. Kids today have so much pressure put on them. I am constantly making mistakes (see above) and I'm the teacher for goodness sake. I'm done with this whole defeated perfectionist attitude I have. You know the one. I am so busy trying to make everything a certain way, that I'm never truly in the moment, enjoying what actually IS going on. Are there any other defeated perfectionists out there?

2 comments:

Grace said...

Umm... I have always been a mess Linda. I just say "I am an imperfect person" to my students and we move on. By the end of the year when I make a mistake my students will say "it's okay, Mrs. Stan, we know you are imperfect." Just laugh it off and keep moving. Glad your year is off to a great start! Mine too!

Linda Dunnavant said...

I love that. I am going to steal that saying for sure!

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